How Do I Learn How to Pray?
Just in case you thought I only take on confrontational questions, today’s question is powerful in its simplicity. It was sent in by my friend M.J. James. Now, M.J. is a strong woman of God and an inspiring Jesus follower. Check out how she helps people gain clarity at her site MJJames.com. I also HIGHLY recommend her newly released first book, Rest & Renew!
If you’d like to send in questions yourself and maybe get featured on a blog, just click here for our Ever Nearer contact form.
With no further ado, here is M.J.’s question: How do I learn how to pray?
You’re Not Alone
Ok, let’s get something out of the way right up front. If you struggle with prayer, you’re in good company. The disciples, those men who walked with Jesus every day, literally the first Jesus followers, they needed help here too.
“When Jesus had finished praying, one of his disciples said to him, "Lord, teach us to pray, just as John taught his followers to pray."
-Luke 11:1 CEV
People have been struggling with prayer for thousands of years. It’s time to be 100% clear here. Whether you are a brand-new Jesus follower or have been with Him for decades, there is no shame if you’ve struggled with prayer. Let me say it again and know this is for YOU!
There is no shame if you’ve struggled with prayer.
So please, let go of any shame, embarrassment, or any thoughts of, “I should know how to pray by now, I’ve been a Jesus follower a long time.” Stop berating yourself. Right now, this moment, I give you permission to start from scratch. Take on a learner’s mindset. Let’s work through M.J.’s question together.
How to Learn
Notice her question wasn’t “How do I pray?” but rather, “How do I LEARN how to pray?” Those are subtly different, but we will cover both in this process. Two oft repeated truths about learning are that we learn from others (through their instruction and experiences) and that we learn by doing. In the area of learning how to pray, both methods are necessary. Let’s begin with learning by instruction.
When the disciple asked Jesus to teach them to pray, He obliged by giving them what is popularly known as The Lord’s Prayer.
Please note that you don’t need to pray the Lord’s prayer word for word. In fact, the very first part, in both Matthew and Luke makes that clear. In Matthew it begins, “Pray like this”. Luke starts with “This is how you should pray.”
“Pray like this” does not say “Pray these words” or “Pray this”. “This is how you should pray” is not the same as “This is WHAT you should pray.” Jesus seems to be giving us a pattern, not an incantation. Please don’t treat the Lord’s prayer as a magical formula for how to talk to God.
Now, the pattern we can get from the Lord’s prayer is this:
Speak directly to the Father
Acknowledge His holiness and sovereignty
Ask for His will to be done
Present our requests
Ask for forgiveness for our sins
Acknowledge that we have also forgiven
Keep us from temptation and rescue us when necessary
It’s a simple pattern. But, just like the words aren’t an incantation, neither is the pattern to be taken as a commandment as to how every prayer should be spoken.
Jesus Didn’t Always Follow This Formula
“Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”
-Matthew 26:39 NIV
In this example, Jesus spoke directly to the Father, made a request, then asked for the Father’s will to be done. Nothing about holiness. Nothing about keeping from temptation (and Jesus did experience temptation). Forgiveness does not apply since although Jesus was tempted, He never sinned.
But the point is this. Jesus, the 12 apostles, Paul, none of the people in the New Testament followed the formula of the Lord’s Prayer every time they prayed. Every prayer has some of the elements of the Lord’s prayer but does not need to follow it exactly. Don’t feel like you have to always mimic its pattern.
Ok, But Answer the Question Already
The original question was, “How do I learn how to pray?” And the truth is, you learn by instruction, by immersion (hearing and reading many prayers), and by doing. Jesus gave us basic instruction for the elements of prayer. Let me give you the ONE element that must be in every prayer. Are you ready? Here it is.
Speak directly to God.
That’s the only necessary element. The thief on the cross is a great example.
“Jesus, remember me when you come into your Kingdom.”
-Luke 23:42b NLT
His prayer was answered. Jesus promised that they would be together in paradise that same day.
Stop Struggling
We overcomplicate prayer terribly. It’s incredibly simple.
You see, there is a problem when we are struggling with prayer. The problem is that we are struggling. Here’s what I mean. We have an expectation that prayer is going to be, or should be, some grand experience of emotional rapture where we feel the awesome presence of the Almighty God. Yeah, ok.
Maybe once in a very great while that happens. But listen to me carefully. If that’s what you’re expecting from prayer time, then you’re going to be sorely disappointed. And yet, we hear people talk about it that way very frequently. Can I tell you the truth from my own experience? It has happened that way for me. But it’s so ridiculously infrequent that I’ve stopped making it a goal. I don’t expect that experience in my prayer time, and my prayer time is FAR better now.
Why is prayer time better now that I don’t expect an emotional, rapturous experience? Because I no longer struggle with prayer. You see, struggling implies I’m fighting against something. And struggling with prayer means we are fighting with unrealistic expectations. Sisters and brothers, lay down those burdens. Don’t expect God to meet with you in a way you think He should, or a way that it looks like He meets with others. Just pray. Just talk to Him and allow the conversation to develop into a relationship. Isn’t that what you do with a friend? And if you are a true Jesus follower, then you are a friend of God.
How I Pray
In case you’re curious, I personally have a few basic types of prayers
Morning devotional prayers. I go through these in great detail in Edition 03 of our EverNearer.com video newsletter. You can find it (and our other newsletters) in our Newsletter Archive. This method completely revolutionized my prayer life!
Random prayers: Throughout the day something comes to mind, I see a need, someone expresses a concern, etc. and so I make a quick prayer. It’s very often simply, “Lord, please be with _____________ (fill in the blank with a name or a situation).”
Meal prayers: Yes, I thank the Lord for His provision at meals, even when others are around. Usually silently. No one minds when you bow your head for a quick prayer. In fact, it may spark a conversation about your faith.
Prayers before sleep. Often with my lovely bride Sally, or sometimes on my own, I thank the Lord for the blessings of the day and make requests before I turn in for the night.
Do you have to follow my pattern? Absolutely not! But without regular prayer it’s not possible to grow nearer to the Lord.
Learning by Doing
If you want to watch the newsletter videos (specifically Edition 03) they may help you on methods for praying. But the most important tip I can give you is this. Pray consistently and sincerely. As a Jesus follower you will draw nearer to Him when you talk to Him, and especially listen for Him (how to do that is in Edition 3 as well) regularly.
Just call out His name, whether to God the Father, Jesus the Son, or the Holy Spirit. Acknowledge Him as your Lord, ask for wisdom, for guidance, for the needs and of people and yourself. Pray for those bound for Hell. Ask for forgiveness and rescue, ask for His leading on the mission He has for your life. Do any of these things any time you pray. Perhaps do all of these things sometimes when you pray. And when the times are especially painful, be like the thief on the cross and just cry out, “Jesus, remember me.” Then give Him time to respond.
I promise that He will remember you.
I love you Jesus follower!
-Troy
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