Is Compromise the Path to a Happy Marriage?
I used to write a lot about marriage. You have to understand, I’ve alluded to it before, but I desperately love my amazing wife. Like, more than I thought possible when I was growing up. I wasn’t raised in a home of Jesus followers, and my parents divorced before I reached my teen years. I didn’t have a good example of a loving family…and yet, the Lord has blessed me to be in an almost unimaginably happy marriage.
So, for this blog post I’m going to write to the married people…and specifically the husbands. Now, if you’re not married, or not the husband to a wonderful woman, then you can skip this one, or just share it with a guy who is married to his favorite girl.
The Premise
This is going to really annoy a lot of marriage counselors and relationship experts. I don’t think compromise is healthy in a marriage. Ah. At this point YOU are annoyed and thinking, “This guy has lost his mind!” All your life you’ve been told that relationships require compromise. I give a little, you give a little and it’s all good. But in my experience, it is NOT all good. If you want a truly happy marriage with little or no resentment, then compromise is a no go. Read on…
What is Compromise?
According to The Britannica Dictionary compromise is: “a way of reaching agreement in which each person or group gives up something that was wanted in order to end an argument or dispute.” Sound like how you want to run your marriage? “Ok honey, last time I gave up something, now it’s your turn.” Really? I don’t think so.
Don’t Compromise – Serve
Here is the heart of the issue. Compromise means what I want is just as important, or more important than what you want. In a compromise situation no one comes out happy. Do you want a happy marriage? Stop compromising and start serving.
Being a servant means the other person’s needs and wants come before your own, whether you like it or not…at first. Let’s take a look at scripture. In Matthew 26:39 we find this prayer from Jesus to the Father:
“Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”
Jesus Didn’t Compromise…True Servants Never Do
Jesus asked the Father more than once to not go to the cross. He knew what was coming, the pain, rejection, abandonment and finally death. But He was a Servant. A servant doesn’t compromise, a servant serves. A servant does what the Master requires whether he or she likes it or not…at first. Do you think that when Judas came with the crowd to arrest Jesus that He said, “Ok Father, I’ll take the arrest and the trial, even the whips, but the cross is just too much. Let’s compromise.” No, no, a thousand times no! Jesus served God and us by NOT compromising.
Keeping Your Covenant
Let’s bring this home. You married a wonderful woman. You promised something along the lines of, “love, honor, and cherish.” Did you promise to compromise? Nope. When you marry someone, when you make that covenant, you are saying, in essence, “I choose to serve you.”
You are the man. Paul told you, and me, “husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” It’s time to stop compromising and start giving yourself up for her. I promise you will get more back than you EVER would by compromising.
Let me say that another way. The happiest marriages I have ever seen, including our own, are made up of two people, one woman and one man, who are:
Putting Jesus before anything or anyone else.
In the power of the Holy Spirit, doing their best to love and serve their spouse without fail.
You don’t lose anything by joyfully serving the person that you promised to love for a lifetime, no, you gain the type of marriage most people don’t even believe is possible.
If you have follow-up thoughts, feel free to reach out to me directly via our contact form. Also, if you’d like to learn more about me and why I create all this content about following Jesus, check out my About page. If you love the content and would like to support this work, please visit Troy Stoneking (buymeacoffee.com). Finally, would you like to see a list of ALL our blog posts? Here it is!
Love you Jesus follower!